I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
