Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
it's like heaven, but drunker
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
