No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
