Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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