i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
