Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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