"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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