The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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