dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
