I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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