NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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