I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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