It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
