I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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