I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
