there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
