its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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