so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
