it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
