yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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