just tell him i said nine months
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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