Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
