No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
