It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
