I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
