Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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