Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
