we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize