I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
