there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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