We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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