FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
