made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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