cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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