do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
