Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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