we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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