Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
