I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
they need to just BURY HIM!
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize