no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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