His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
