i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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