I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
