I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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