I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
