matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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