I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize