I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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