This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
