Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
i think im in europe. pls send help
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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