Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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