did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
