he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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