My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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