I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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