Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
