I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
