I am in a vortex of obligation.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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