Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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