He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize