how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
