Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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