Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
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