You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
