dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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