u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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