They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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