News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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