to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
